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home : opinions : opinions   May 27, 2016

4/4/2013 9:16:00 AM
Column: I do

Cynthia Rolando
Lifestyle Editor

I used to say to people, “I’m the least prejudiced person I know.” It always was a joke. Kind of like saying “I’m the smartest person you know.” All in fun, even if in my case it’s true.
But I’m often a little confused by people who are opposed to same sex marriage or “gay marriage.” Shouldn’t we all be happy that we are getting married?
But seriously, I’ve never heard my marriage referred to as heterosexual marriage. Dan and I simply are a married couple.
Because of the upcoming Supreme Court ruling, some have said that the ability to procreate should be considered as to what is marriage.
Really? Wouldn’t that require couples to undergo testing to determine if they are able to have children? Many couples express a desire not to have children or may marry later in life and no longer have the ability to procreate.
All couples should be able to have the rights and obligations of marriage. Not just for health or material benefits, but for simple human benefits. Imagine if your partner was in the hospital and you may not be let in or allowed to hear of their condition because you are not “family.” This has happened and it’s ludicrous.
 Facebook the past few weeks has seen a change in many profile pictures. One group has asked us to post a square red image in support of gay marriage and you will see a lot of these squares.
But now that you know my position, I want you to think about the labels we give people. I don’t have solutions to some I think are bad, but it can give us something to think about.
Where did Gay come from? Are same sex couples happier than the rest of us? I doubt it for they are the same temperamentally as anyone else.
For as long as I remember, Caucasians have been lumped together. Whether we are German, English, French, Dutch, Scottish, Italian and too many others to name, we are all Caucasian. Does it matter that we have different skin tones? I think I’ve told you before that I have been checking “other” on forms and write in German-American. Nobody’s yelled at me yet.
And now the term Hispanic confuses me. Does this refer to people who live in countries south of the U.S. border? Are we no longer Mexican, Guatemalan, Brazilian, Puerto Rican or many others?
And where do people from Spain fall?
Maybe they are Mediterranean. Is that where I should put my Italian/Polish husband? His skin certainly is much darker than mine.
And then we have people with dark skin tones. Once called very uncomplimentary names, black (which honestly, I thought acceptable) is no longer politically correct and we should use African-American. But where does that leave Jamaicans, Bermudians or any of the native island people. Are Egyptians in this category?
It’s all too confusing.
Then I thought about Asian people. Do the Japanese, Chinese, Pilipino, Balinese and others think of themselves as Asian? I don’t know what I was talking about with my daughter Mel, but I used the word “Oriental.” She said, “Mom, how ‘70s is that?” That’s the way the mind works.
My head is starting to spin as I don’t know where to put Indians (not Native Americans). What about people from the Middle East? I forgot the former Soviet Republic countries.
Maybe we should forget all the labels and treat everyone the way we would like to be treated and talked about. Maybe if you knew all my little secrets, you might label me different.
But right now you still can think of me as the kind and intelligent, beautiful person you know me to be.
And I support the marriage of any two people who love each other.

Cynthia Rolando can be reached at (815) 220-6934 or

Reader Comments

Posted: Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Article comment by: anon

Dear Karen,
Your comment makes absolutely no sense. I was not aware of "black" churches, and I believe your statements are without a doubt insensitive and prejudiced. Also, the question posed in the article was why do people use the particular word "Gay" when referring to homosexuals. When you change the language you use to suit the crowd you are with, I call that being phony and a hypocrite.

Posted: Monday, April 8, 2013
Article comment by: Karen

Cynthia, I was browsing a little today and decided to read your article. I think you may be a bit confused. It's highly likely that the reason most people use the term "gay" for same sex marriages, or other terms you mentioned, without me listing them all, is because it is an efficient way to communicate. If I communicate with people who never discuss same sex marriages, I will use the term "marriage," when talking about people getting married. If I am communicating with someone who socializes with gay's etc..., when talking about marriage I may use the term "Heterosexual . . .." It all has to do with who you are talking to and what you are trying to convey in the least amount of time. This is not an issue of prejudice. If a dark skinned man came up to me, he might ask me if I know where a "black" church is that he could attend. What if he just used the word "church?" He is trying to communicate to me that he wants to go where there are dark skinned people. This is an excellent way to communicate efficiently.
I have a question. Do you think polygamy should be legalized? By the way a person who has multiple wives is called a "polygamist." I don't see using this term as being prejudice. It is used to convey something in a fraction of a second. Very efficient.

Posted: Friday, April 5, 2013
Article comment by: METALWORKER

So like you Kepha, so like you.
You do like to change the topic.
This discussion was and the piece is about same sex marriage. You sorta, kinda stumbled on that one and so you interject the marrying of a minor. Define minor. That is set by state and country.
In the not to distant past girls in some US states married at the ripe old age of 12, 13, 14.
In some countries 14, 15 is almost middle aged.
The article, nowhere mentions abortion or much of anything but marriage.
As much as some like you would like it to be true the universe is billions of years old and the earth is also and not the 6,000 some of you claim. Man did not live along side dinos and a girl can get pregnant when raped.
Stop trying to muddy the waters of fact with your fiction.

Posted: Friday, April 5, 2013
Article comment by: Kepha

I should add hope pleased I am that no one in our country can legislate their morality. That would be bad.

Posted: Friday, April 5, 2013
Article comment by: Kepha

Yes, liberate me from my stone age beliefs.

I long for a world where I can legally kill my unborn child, divorce my spouse through the mail, view pornography easily through the internet, use narcotics without fear of arrest, and engage in unnatural sexual relations and demand that you call it 'marriage.'

In such a utopia I could also be baffled by the disregard so many have for the children they beget, lament the growing number of unwed and single mothers, be horrified by sexual abuse of all types, and wonder why society suffers at every level.

Ah yes, that would be true freedom, pure bliss, unadulterated liberty. Oh, never mind we're already there.

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