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home : lifestyle : lifestyle today   May 25, 2016

8/18/2014 11:24:00 AM
After 52 years of marriage, it's still about respect and love

Nancy Dinelli-Prill

It is hard to believe that this month, “The Farmer” and I celebrate 52 years of marriage.
That is a long time, but there are many who have been married longer.
We are often asked what makes a successful marriage?
I always answer “respect.”
If you don’t respect the person you share your life with, it can make for a miserable time.
Since “The Farmer” is completely retired, I was worried that we would get on each other’s nerves or under each other’s feet. I didn’t want to be the bossy wife. I wanted him to know the peace of being his own boss.
I am a fast thinker. When I see a problem, I go after it like killing wild snakes.
On the other hand, “The Farmer” thinks things out before he acts.
Now when I see a problem, I say, “Here is what I would do, but you do what you are comfortable with.” Then I say no more and he handles the situation in a way that he feels is right.
For instance, we were working on bills and projected amounts of fuel we would use for the winter. There was a certain amount of math involved and if I don’t have my shoes and socks off and my 10 fingers free and a good calculator beside me, I don’t even try to figure things out. Plus all through my life, I have a horrid time remembering anything. “The Farmer” says the medicine I’m taking makes it harder for me to remember. He has noticed the difference.
On the other hand, “The Farmer” can remember that two years ago a red cardinal hit the window and died. I’m kidding, but he has a fantastic mind and can remember times and dates and people and is fantastic with math and spelling. I wouldn’t think of sending a column in to the paper without him proofing it first.
Having said all that, we were working on the amount of fuel we would need next winter and trying to calculate the cost. I figured it my way, which usually is backward and only I know how I got the figure.
On the other hand, “The Farmer” figures it the way he was taught in school. Our figures do not agree.
I must say that all these years I’ve been in charge of finances in our household. I’m working to let go so if I die, he isn’t left in the dark.
“I don’t get the same figure that you do,” he said.
I tried to point out how I got my figure and how much of a deposit I had to send in, but he quietly said the figures were wrong. Mind you, neither one of us said, “You are wrong.”
“Well when you get it figured, just let me know and I will mail in the deposit,” I said and went to work in my quiet little office.
It wasn’t long before “he” was at my door. “You were right; I was wrong,” he said.
That was the end of it, it was never mentioned again.
What I’m trying to say, in a roundabout way, is that it isn’t important who is right or wrong; it is important that a solution to a problem is settled without confrontation or hurt feelings.
Why would you degrade someone you respect?
I decided to ask “The Farmer” what he thought was the reason a marriage lasts.
His answer was simple and to the point. “Love”!
Ciao, bella!

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