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Same ol’ column! It seems every year, I write the same old, same old, at this time of the year. You have read the same stuff, but probably a different version, because I can’t remember, from week to week, month to month or year to year. I mean after turning out a column a week for 30 years and a few more than that, how can I possible remember word for word what I have written or even what version. Having said all that, the subject of this week’s column is being written to protect you. A column that tells about my father and how I possibly saved his life and how last week, I used my “vast” knowledge on the subject to treat my own condition in regards to this issue. The “issue” always seems to take place when the grapes are at their best, deep purple in color, waiting to bust out of their skins with juice and flavor beyond the imagination — a time of the year when thoughts turn to grape jelly, grape juice and of course grape wine. It is a wonderful time of the year and it was fun to watch “my girl Tuesday” and her friend, with a huge cooler on wheels, gathering grapes to make wine. The friend, as happy as could be to be given any and all of the perfect crop that grew on the pergola in spite of the crazy Cucuzza squash that seemed to want to cover the grape vines like a quilt. Also the fun of shipping a “lobster” shipping insulated container to one of our readers full of grapes. No, I will not ship any to you. They provided the box and the expenses to do such a crazy thing, but within the week of receiving my grapes, by mail, they sent pictures of their Concord grape jelly, made from my grapes. So, here we are. If you remember, I have written several times, at this time of year, how my father was visiting us when we lived in Durand on old Doc Smith’s farm. Dad was out under my pergola picking and eating the grapes. We picked 600 pounds, if I remember correctly. Ah, could that be correct? That many pounds? It was the year our gal from Italy was with us for the summer. At any rate, my father bit into a grape that had a hornet in it and it immediately stung him on the back of his tongue. I knew that put him in much danger as his tongue began to swell, for if I did nothing immediately, he could suffocate. I ran into the house and grabbed two of “The Farmer’s” antihistamine tablets, made dad swallow both of them, put him in the car and off we rushed to the emergency room of the hospital that was closest to us. I estimate we were a good half an hour to 45 minutes away. By the time we got there, he could hardly talk and those on duty said I had saved his life by giving him those two antihistamine tablets. Why do I tell you all this again now, at this time of the year? Because, I came home from shopping the other day and as I was just about to put the key in the door a hornet zoomed down and zapped me just a bit under my eye. Bang, another one got the inside of my arm. I couldn’t believe that I had been attacked by the two ugly creatures. Right next to the door, I have one of those decorative flags hanging on one of those little wooden sticks that comes with them and little did I know that behind that flag decoration and the wall, was a big old hornet’s nest. But before I took steps to get rid of them I went to “The Farmer’s” home remedy shelf where I found, among a whole lot of other “stuff” for any and all illness, a small pink pill with antihistamine in it. I broke the package open, got out the bandages, spit on the little pink pill and taped it to each of the bites. I had tried ice first and that did no good, but the taped pills, one to my face and one to my arm did the trick. After a few minutes, there was no stinging or swelling. I left the remedy on for a couple of days to let it work its magic. Now I have little traps made from little water bottles with a third of the bottom of the bottle filled with sugar water. They are tied to any and everywhere I can tie them and each day there are a couple more of those attacking varmints drowning in the bottom. I need to get rid of them because “The Farmer” is allergic to the sting of bees or hornets. I tell him to carry antihistamine tablets when he is working at the golf course or at home here in the yard. Just think, one or two of those little tablets, could save your life. Ciao! P.S. Last week, my green, self reeling, as seen on TV, exploded when I turned the water off. The noise was so loud, I thought I’d been shot.
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