Ever wonder what Toronto Blue Jays pitcher J.A. Happ is like off the field?
Well, the Peru native and St. Bede Academy alumnus is a hipster who loves indie music, brunch and Instagram and likes to wear thick-rimmed glasses and flannel.
OK, not really.
But beginning last September, there was a parody Twitter account, @JAHappster — the hipster J.A. Happ.
Throughout the offseason, @JAHappster regaled his 1,000-plus followers with tales of J.A. Happ’s fictional hipster lifestyle.
Some of my favorites:
- Shoutout to my brothers and sisters struggling in a rough economy. I’m a Northwestern grad and I had to work a menial job as a Houston Astro.
- I’ve been kicked out of 3 Queen East brunch restaurants for eating the same way I pitch: nibbling the corners of the plate.
- Should I name my cat R.A. Kitty, Dustin McMeowan or Mark Purrle.
- My pitching’s like my iTunes library: no hits allowed.
- I like my fastball speed the same way I like my fashion sense: stuck in the mid-80s.
- Pronouncing my initials as two separate letters? Sure, if you’re a conformist.
Even though the account is clearly a joke, it still managed to trick a few people, including Blue Jays P.A. announcer Tim Langton when J.A. Happster tweeted at him about new “B” side entrance music, angry New York Yankees fans after the real Happ broke Curtis Granderson’s arm and Blue Jays relief pitcher Steve Delabar.
The last one prompted the Tweet, “Ok, everyone be cool, just act natural, but... Steve Delabar just followed me and he may think I’m actually JA Happ. SHHH. shutup. be cool.”
The fictional Happ briefly left the hipster lifestyle Monday (April Fool’s Day) on account of becoming too cool and signing a contract extension that makes his now two-year deal worth $9.1 million.
But Happ — who earned the fifth starter spot in the Toronto rotation by posting a 1.90 spring ERA — still had a Twitter presence on Opening Day.
Fake Happ switched accounts with fake Brett Lawrie, an injured Blue Jays infielder, so Lawrie became hipster and @BrettLawrieFact became J.A. Happ Facts.
Some gems from Happ Facts:
- Cows grow up dreaming of becoming J.A. Happ’s pitching glove.
- J.A. Happ is terrible at Wheel Of Fortune. The only letter he knows how to give out is a “K”.
- “Wide Right” and “No Goal” were bad, but the worst thing to ever happen to Buffalo sports was J.A. Happ not playing for the Bisons.
But apparently fictional Happ is back to the hipster lifestyle after burning “8 million dollars on Ferraris, islands and scooping up caviar with a Honus Wagner card.”
So, we now get a full season of the Hipster J.A. Happ, even though at least one Blue Jays fan has questioned it with the tweet, “Why in the world would anyone ever make a J.A. Happ parody account?”
Kevin Chlum is the NewsTribune Sports Editor. He can be reached at 220-6939, or at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter @NT_SportsEditor (This is the real Kevin Chlum and not a fictional hipster version).